Pray for Foster Care.

It has been over 8 months sense our foster kids left our care. I haven’t heard from their Mom in 7 months and I don’t expect to. Her promises of keeping in touch were only to appease us for a time, apparently. This is the part no one ever tells you about… the part where you feel like one of your kid’s died and you will never know if they are safe and loved. The part where you dream about them. They disappear from your life in an instant, only to leave a hole in your heart. It sounds dramatic because it is. 

Our foster daughter captured the hearts of my husband, our 4 boys, my parents, and myself. She was a part of us and I think she always will be. We walked her through so much. We walked her through the first time she left her mom and cried herself to sleep in her car seat. We walked her through 3 days of holding her bowels and finally unleashing on our living room floor. We walked her though sleepless nights and waking up every hour. We walked her through not wanting to eat and spoon feeding her in our laps the few things she would eat at first. We walked her through not going up to strangers and thinking she needed to go home with them, because she had no attachment. We walked her through holidays and firsts. We walked her through doctor and dentist appointments. We walked her through covid… through RSV and having to decide at the ER whether to admit her to the hospital or to take her home while monitoring her vital signs. We walked her through her first day at preschool and first time at church. We walked her through fits of blood curdling screaming. We walked her through visits and confusion. We walked her through the last day we had her… she knew she was leaving and that girl would not smile. She screamed and kicked as I handed her off to her mom… her bio mom anyway. 

These are the things you can’t be taught and can’t prepare for. The trauma of them leaving stays with you. I know she was with us for a reason and I pray for that girl often, but it is something I fear I will always grieve. It’s the not knowing that gets ya.

It’s one of those life altering things. And there are people out there that have done this a crazy amount of times, who sacrifice their time, sanity, and home endlessly for the sake of being Christ to a lonely child… for the sake of their calling. They amaze me. Pray for them. Give them a hug and tell them you remember what they did and are doing… it doesn’t end when the child leaves. Pray for foster care. Pray for this broken system. Pray for foster kids and their bio parents. They need our prayers, love, and support daily. Foster care is an example of being the hands and feet of Jesus. Foster parents are generally unseen. See them.

“If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭12:26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A beautiful, terrible experience. Lol

The past year has been very busy for our family! After having our fostering license for 1 1/2 years, we opened our home to our first placement…

Tyler and I said yes to a boy (7) and a little girl (2) on November 13th, 2020. We never imagined bringing 2 kids into our home for a few weeks let alone an entire year. Our desire going into foster care has been to adopt a baby. But one night we said yes to these two kids, two strangers. It was a God thing. I look back and wonder how we made it, how we survived those first few months especially. 

Foster care is not for the faint of heart. Nothing could have  prepared us for those first few weeks of caring for kids who did not know us and we knew nothing about. The training is constant. The alligations from bio parents feel very personal and outrageous. The caseworker was not exactly on our team and throwing us under the bus was not off limits. The visits are overwhelming. The meetings are weekly. The incident reports are worrisome as we were constantly under a microscope. Timelines are non-existent and our life was turned upside down. But for how long? No one knows. Could be tomorrow, could be next year. Will we be able to adopt? Can I make it to the end? 

Our two foster kids... Their story unraveled throughout the year we had them. I learned that they endured so much neglect and uncertainty. I imagine that I don’t even know the half of it. I wonder what my foster kids experienced day to day in their home. I wonder who was with them and what abuse they couldn't describe. I wonder how they survived the exposure to substances. I'm glad I don't know. It would be too much to bare. 

My foster son melted my heart over and over again. He adores his Mom more than I imagine anyone adores another person this side of heaven, but for a bit I had his attention. He experienced fishing, bowling, camping, a theme park, a zoo, baseball, church, sledding, swimming, drives, hiking, site seeing, a pumpkin patch, VBS... many of those being his first. He witnessed baptisms and learned to pray. He had routine and consistency that he absolutely craved. He called me Mom and gave me hugs and compliments. Before he left, he told me that this was the best year he has had in a long time. We had our challenges with him, but what a sweet boy we were blessed to know.

My foster daughter was sassy. I am not used to girls and all the attitude that comes with them! But I grew to love her and I'll never stop loving her. I had a daughter for a year. I enjoyed all the bows and hairdos I tried on her. I enjoyed dressing her and listening to her sing her little songs. It took months to get her to stay in bed and weeks to get her to eat by herself in her booster seat. But by the time she left to go home, she slept all night, napped two hours a day, ate all her food, and said please and thank you. She ran to me for hugs and called me Mommy. That little girl fit into our family. Saying Bye to her was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. 

God is so faithful. Our 2 foster kiddos were able to go home on December 9th, 2021. We knew in July that this was not going to end in adoption and they were only going to be in our lives for a season. This was the perfect outcome, the perfect ending. I am even able to keep in touch with their Mom and find out how they are doing from time to time. What a blessing!

Will we foster again?! 

We had such beautiful moments as a family with these two kids and we wouldn’t change a thing. While we enjoyed pouring into these kids, there were times I really missed our family of 6 and felt like the time with my boys was running out. Just being real.  I had no control over anything and had moments of feeling absolutely trapped. We spent months gaining our foster daughter’s trust and trying to form attachment only to send her off to people she barely knew anymore. (Our foster son was ready to go home on day 1, so it was very exciting for him) But the worst feeling for me has been the empty spot that it left behind. I have had dreams, good and bad, about them that feel so real that I question reality. The excitement of them being able to return home was amazing, but the reality of it really happening has been consuming and even a little traumatic. I know time will heal. And I know God used this to grow us all to look more like Him.

It was a beautiful, terrible experience. Lol. That’s the best way I know to describe it!

So, will we do it again? Only God knows, but we are thankful that God chose us to be in these two kiddos lives for a season and we pray they never forget what they felt and learned here. They are forever a part of the Pyle family.

Onto the next chapter of our lives! Lord lead us.

"I have to admit, sometimes I question God."

    Next month marks two years since we moved to Colorado. I have to admit, sometimes I question God. I question why he brought us to Colorado and why we have to be so far away from family. Sometimes it feels selfish that we are here... like somehow I caused it all, somehow I made it happen in my own strength. I have doubts and I have fears. I feel guilty that we took Tyler and I and our boys away from family. I miss the boys being able to spend birthdays with their cousins and grandparents on my husband's side. I miss Sunday afternoon lunches and pool days at my sister's house. I miss going to my other sister's boutique and seeing her every week. I miss my kids going to the school in Indiana. Malachi never got to experience "Picnic with Mom" and "Donuts with Dad." He never got to take his packed lunch to school and play kickball at recess (we moved just shortly after the start of his Kindergarten year). As much as I love homeschooling my boys, I have guilt that they aren't getting enough social interaction and are just somehow missing out. That's where my mind goes and sometimes it can really discourage me. But a couple nights ago, my husband and I reminisced about our journey out here. There is one particular part of our story that is just so undeniably God. How can I argue? Here's a snippet from Our Journey to Colorado.

    "Swiss Days … a time of eating deliciously greasy food, going on kiddy rides, listening to Polka music, and spending waaay too much money. It is also a time of seeing people you wouldn’t normally see. Tyler’s Dad reintroduced him to a couple who pastored the church he attended when he was a kid. It was a neat reunion for them to talk about old times. They also mentioned that they were looking to move back to town, but hadn’t had much luck finding a house. The wife really wanted a big, white house (check), a wrap around front porch (check), and the husband wanted a big pine tree in the front yard to decorate for Christmas (check!). Our house had it all! So that afternoon, we showed them around our house. Two days later, they made an offer. It was honestly that easy and that perfect. We hadn't even put it on the market and were still weeks from doing so. I just remember being in the kitchen, after knowing they wanted to buy our house, just sobbing because of how much love I felt from our Heavenly Father. I couldn’t have thought up a better scenario. And without going into detail, the buyers were so gracious through the whole process and it was nothing less than a miracle. The realtor that worked for them was even inspired by the whole situation. God gave us enormous confirmation. Colorado it is and He was working it all out."

I have to remind myself, daily, that God wants us out here. We could have never worked this out in our own strength. He wanted us in Colorado so much that He worked out every detail and we didn't even have to try. I can't deny it. My husband can't deny it. And I'm so thankful I can look back on God's provision. It isn't easy and maybe it's pretty hard for a lot of people to understand, but we want to always go wherever the Lord leads. Not understanding, but still trusting, is what faith is all about. We don't have to understand everything to know that God wants the very best for us and that He loves us and our families. We know there is no safer place for our family of six than in the will of God. That's the only place I ever want to be.

Today was our boys 1st day of school - 5th, 4th, 8th, and 2nd grade.

I caught the first fish of the Summer!

Malachi is proud to look like Pop the Pig.

Lenny went with Tyler and I to find some rocks. He loves car rides!

Zak is already working on his looong Christmas list.

Thaddeus and Coach Tyler have both enjoyed baseball this year!

Jake and Thaddeus were excited to receive awards for all their hard work in piano!

Yellowstone- July, 2020

Yellowstone is an enchanting place. In the park, you are surrounded by lush trees, beautiful mountains, roaming wildlife, wide open spaces, pounding waterfalls, and steaming, multicolored hot pools as far as the eye can see. I wonder what the very first explorers thought when they came upon this amazing place. I imagine it felt like they stepped onto another planet and could hardly believe their eyes. God's creation is truly a site to behold.

Tyler has talked about visiting Yellowstone ever sense we moved out West. We've spent months falling asleep to Yellowstone documentaries and we both were very eager to visit. So one night, we decided to just sit down and plan it. We were able to spend two full days exploring Yellowstone and we loved every minute of it!

The boys were excited:)

One of our first views was a herd of elk!

Thaddeus enjoyed looking at different hot pools.

Zak was always so excited to explore.

 Malachi enjoyed looking at the hot pools and said that the 

smell made him want boiled eggs. Haha!
This kid thinks about food nonstop!

Jacob and I were standing by one of the waterfalls in the park.

He is growing up so much.... slow down!!

 Yellowstone Falls.

Another awesome waterfall.

My boys <3

 The elk were so cool looking!

Two more just chilling in the shade.

We saw a black bear!! My first bear ever... so cool!

So many things to look at.

 Tyler couldn't wait to see the Grand Prismatic Pool.

How pretty is that?!!

 Old Faithful!! We waited about an hour to see it explode.

Worth it.

When Old Faithful finally erupted, everyone became so quiet.

So crazy looking!

This was called Artist Paintpots. It was basically bubbling mud.
So bizarre. It made a plopping, almost burp like sound.

 The Abyss Pool is my favorite shade of blue.

Pictures do not do it justice!

The boys with a bison in the background... Thaddeus was always

on the lookout for bison. They are huge animals!

Thaddeus bought "Buff" the bison to explore with! :)

My main squeeze <3

We saw a Mama Grizzly bear and her cub.

If you look closely, you can see a grizzly bear cub climbing

a tree!  Score!!!

 We had no idea when we moved here that God would work everything out to move my parents, too! I feel very blessed to have them just minutes from our house.

We always found a beautiful spot to have a picnic in Yellowstone!

 The Yellowstone Lake was so clear and you could see

big trout swimming around!

 Brotherly love and happy faces :)

 Tyler is always pushing the limits to get a good picture.

My favorite thing to do was look for animals. Yellowstone

has lots of vast areas to search for wildlife. 

The herds of bison were endless.

This hot pool looked like Minnie Mouse.

 Excelsior Crater was a favorite of ours. So crazy cool!

 We had so much fun exploring.

We saw the Grand Tetons on our way home!

 Pretty view over the lake.

 Lots of photo ops!

The Grand Tetons. 

We have some new stickers on our van and lots of great new memories to look back on. 

Until our next adventure...