Training our 4Boys: "I have to admit, sometimes I question God."

Next month marks two years since we moved to Colorado. I have to admit, sometimes I question God. I question why he brought us to Colorado and why we have to be so far away from family. Sometimes it feels selfish that we are here... like somehow I caused it all, somehow I made it happen in my own strength. I have doubts and I have fears. I feel guilty that we took Tyler and I and our boys away from family. I miss the boys being able to spend birthdays with their cousins and grandparents on my husband's side. I miss Sunday afternoon lunches and pool days at my sister's house. I miss going to my other sister's boutique and seeing her every week. I miss my kids going to the school in Indiana. Malachi never got to experience "Picnic with Mom" and "Donuts with Dad." He never got to take his packed lunch to school and play kickball at recess (we moved just shortly after the start of his Kindergarten year). As much as I love homeschooling my boys, I have guilt that they aren't getting enough social interaction and are just somehow missing out. That's where my mind goes and sometimes it can really discourage me. But a couple nights ago, my husband and I reminisced about our journey out here. There is one particular part of our story that is just so undeniably God. How can I argue? Here's a snippet from Our Journey to Colorado.

"Swiss Days … a time of eating deliciously greasy food, going on kiddy rides, listening to Polka music, and spending waaay too much money. It is also a time of seeing people you wouldn’t normally see. Tyler’s Dad reintroduced him to a couple who pastored the church he attended when he was a kid. It was a neat reunion for them to talk about old times. They also mentioned that they were looking to move back to town, but hadn’t had much luck finding a house. The wife really wanted a big, white house (check), a wrap around front porch (check), and the husband wanted a big pine tree in the front yard to decorate for Christmas (check!). Our house had it all! So that afternoon, we showed them around our house. Two days later, they made an offer. It was honestly that easy and that perfect. We hadn't even put it on the market and were still weeks from doing so. I just remember being in the kitchen, after knowing they wanted to buy our house, just sobbing because of how much love I felt from our Heavenly Father. I couldn’t have thought up a better scenario. And without going into detail, the buyers were so gracious through the whole process and it was nothing less than a miracle. The realtor that worked for them was even inspired by the whole situation. God gave us enormous confirmation. Colorado it is and He was working it all out."

I have to remind myself, daily, that God wants us out here. We could have never worked this out in our own strength. He wanted us in Colorado so much that He worked out every detail and we didn't even have to try. I can't deny it. My husband can't deny it. And I'm so thankful I can look back on God's provision. It isn't easy and maybe it's pretty hard for a lot of people to understand, but we want to always go wherever the Lord leads. Not understanding, but still trusting, is what faith is all about. We don't have to understand everything to know that God wants the very best for us and that He loves us and our families. We know there is no safer place for our family of six than in the will of God. That's the only place I ever want to be.